hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize