its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
