Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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