You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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