My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
