I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
