jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
