You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize