There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
