dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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