Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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