from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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