Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
