I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
