So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize