Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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