the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
