On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
