u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
