i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
