He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
