ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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