How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
