I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
