6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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