I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
