Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
