I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
