I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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