I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
