what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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