i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
