We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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