wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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