My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
