It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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