The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
