I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
