Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
