he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize