Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize