I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
