"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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