just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
