I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
