Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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