im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
