the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone shattered a urinal.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize