i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
