I CAN MOONWALK!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
