i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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