dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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