I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
