I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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