i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
