Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
