i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
