Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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