Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
