btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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