Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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