I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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