You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize