Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
