you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
