I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
